Depression and the Self-Relationship: Reclaiming Inner Compassion Through Emotion-Focused and Humanistic Approaches

Depression is often conceptualised through its symptoms—low mood, loss of interest, fatigue, disturbed sleep, and negative thinking patterns. Yet, beneath these manifestations lies a deeper and often more insidious struggle: a fractured relationship with the self. This internal dynamic, marked by harsh self-criticism, shame, and unmet emotional needs, lies at the heart of many depressive experiences. Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) and humanistic approaches to psychotherapy offer valuable lenses through which we can understand and heal this wounded self-relationship.

Depression as a Relationship Problem

In the humanistic tradition, notably within the work of Carl Rogers, the self is seen not as a fixed entity but as a process—a fluid, growing organism with an innate tendency towards actualisation, provided the right conditions are met (Rogers, 1951). Depression can be understood as a disruption in this process, often stemming from internalised conditions of worth and incongruent self-concepts. The person experiences a split between their authentic experience and their perceived self, leading to alienation and psychological distress.

Similarly, Emotion-Focused Therapy, developed by Leslie Greenberg and colleagues, frames depression not only as a disorder of affect regulation but also as a result of maladaptive emotion schemes that dominate the person’s internal experience (Greenberg, 2002). Central to this is the concept of self-criticism, which functions like an internal persecutor, attacking the self in times of vulnerability. Rather than offering soothing or understanding, the inner voice becomes punitive, fostering shame, helplessness, and despair.

The Role of Life Context and Internalisation

Depressive experiences do not arise in a vacuum. As Cooper (2019) emphasises in the pluralistic and person-centred traditions, psychological distress often reflects a person’s struggles to meet their core emotional and relational needs within the context of their life circumstances. Factors such as trauma, loss, disconnection, and unfulfilled potentials—rooted in environmental and relational experiences—can profoundly influence the way individuals come to see themselves and the world.

However, the focus of therapy shifts from merely addressing external difficulties to transforming the internalised emotional responses to those difficulties. What is hopeful here is that, although external circumstances may not be easily changed, the client’s internal world—their relationship with themselves and their emotions—is malleable and responsive to compassionate, attuned therapeutic work.

The Role of Shame and Unmet Emotional Needs

In both EFT and humanistic counselling, shame emerges as a key affect in depression. Unlike guilt, which focuses on actions, shame attacks the self’s worth. Emotion-Focused Therapy emphasises the need to access and transform core maladaptive emotions like shame through the activation of adaptive emotions—particularly self-compassion and protective anger (Greenberg & Watson, 2006).

Clients often come into therapy with deeply entrenched beliefs such as “I’m not good enough,” or “I don’t deserve love.” These are not merely cognitive distortions but deeply felt emotional convictions that stem from early experiences of emotional neglect, abuse, or conditional acceptance. EFT works by facilitating two-chair dialogues, allowing clients to externalise and confront their inner critic, while nurturing a compassionate self that can defend and support the vulnerable parts of the self (Elliott et al., 2004).

Cultivating a Compassionate Self

The therapeutic task, then, becomes one of helping the client develop an inner stance of self-compassion and care. Rogers (1961) spoke of the core conditions—empathy, unconditional positive regard, and congruence—as essential to creating a healing therapeutic relationship. When clients experience these qualities within the therapy space, they begin to internalise them, reconfiguring their self-relationship over time.

Emotion-Focused Therapy similarly holds that the client’s transformation is facilitated not by challenging thoughts directly, but by accessing and transforming emotional experience. This process leads to the development of a new felt sense of the self—one that is more integrated, authentic, and capable of emotional resilience (Greenberg, 2011).

Implications for Practice

From a practitioner’s standpoint, recognising depression as both a result of relational and environmental conditions and a manifestation of self-relational trauma shifts the therapeutic focus. Rather than simply aiming to reduce symptoms, therapy becomes a space for re-authoring the self. Practitioners are called to listen not only to what is said, but to the emotion underneath—to the unmet needs, the unheard pain, and the forgotten joy.

As Greenberg and Watson (2006) underscore in their work on emotion-focused therapy for depression, it is essential to honour both the individual’s subjective experience and their inherent capacity for growth and emotional transformation. Integrating EFT techniques such as empty-chair work, self-soothing, and emotion regulation, with humanistic principles of empathic attunement and authenticity, allows for a powerful synergy. In this integrative space, the client is not pathologised, but understood—seen not as broken, but as struggling with a painful self-narrative that can be re-written through connection, compassion, and emotional exploration.

Conclusion

Depression is, at its core, a crisis of the self—an inner world where self-criticism, shame, and hopelessness dominate. It is shaped both by the external wounds we carry and the internal voices we develop in response. Yet within every client lies a spark of potential for healing. Through the lens of Emotion-Focused and Humanistic therapies, we see that depression can be transformed not simply through insight or behaviour change, but through nurturing a new, loving relationship with the self. It is through this emotional reconnection that hope is restored and the path toward wholeness becomes visible.

References

• Cooper, M. (2019). Integrating Counselling & Psychotherapy: Directionality, Synergy, and Social Change. SAGE.

• Elliott, R., Watson, J., Goldman, R. N., & Greenberg, L. S. (2004). Learning Emotion-Focused Therapy: The Process-Experiential Approach to Change. American Psychological Association.

• Greenberg, L. S. (2002). Emotion-Focused Therapy: Coaching Clients to Work Through Their Feelings. American Psychological Association.

• Greenberg, L. S. (2011). Emotion-Focused Therapy. American Psychological Association.

• Greenberg, L. S., & Watson, J. C. (2006). Emotion-Focused Therapy for Depression. American Psychological Association.

• Rogers, C. R. (1951). Client-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications and Theory. Houghton Mifflin.

• Rogers, C. R. (1961). On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. Constable.