Understanding Emotion and Emotion Regulation in Psychotherapy
It’s entirely natural that clients come to therapy hoping to feel better—often seeking relief from painful, confusing, or overwhelming emotions. After all, distress is uncomfortable, and the human instinct is typically to move away from pain rather than towards it. Whether it’s anxiety, shame, grief, anger, or despair, the desire to suppress or escape difficult emotion is deeply human.
Yet, one of the paradoxes of effective therapy is that emotional healing and transformation often requires us to do the opposite of what feels intuitive. Rather than turning away from emotional pain, we gently turn towards it. In order to transform emotional suffering into insight and growth, we must first allow ourselves to feel it. We need to arrive at our emotions in order to fully understand them, to process what has happened, and to uncover the unmet needs they are pointing to (Elliott & Greenberg, 2021).
Therapy offers a space where this emotional engagement can happen safely and supportively. It is through allowing and exploring our emotional experience—especially the parts we’ve learned to fear or avoid—that we begin to make sense of our inner world. Emotions carry essential information. They show us what matters, where we are wounded, and what we may be longing for. But this can only be accessed when emotions are welcomed and worked with, rather than shut down or pushed aside.
Emotions are central to the human experience. In therapy, they serve as signposts, guiding us toward what truly matters—what we value, what we need, and what may be unresolved. Yet, working with emotion in therapy is far from straightforward. It requires a delicate balance—too much emotional arousal can overwhelm, too little can hinder insight and connection. This post explores the complex landscape of emotions in therapy and the importance of emotion regulation for healing and growth.
Why Emotion Matters in Therapy
Emotions carry vital information. When moderately intense, they can help us rapidly identify our needs and priorities. However, strong emotions can temporarily disrupt our ability to regulate them, leading to states of dysregulation. Effective therapeutic work hinges on finding the optimal zone of emotional arousal—neither too much nor too little—tailored to the situation and task at hand (Elliott & Greenberg, 2021).
Emotion Regulation: A Developmental Foundation
Our capacity to regulate emotions is not innate; it’s shaped in early life through our attachment experiences. These early interactions form internal “emotion schemes” that influence how we relate to ourselves and others emotionally (Elliott & Greenberg, 2021). In therapy, these patterns often resurface, offering a chance to reflect on and, when needed, reshape them.
Successful emotion regulation involves two essential skill sets:
Accessing, heightening, or tolerating emotion – to feel what needs to be felt.
Containing, moderating, or soothing emotion – to stay within a workable range.
Over-Regulation and Under-Regulation
Emotion regulation is most helpful when it is flexible and responsive. When emotions are over-regulated—suppressed through distancing, substances, medication, or even overly controlling therapeutic approaches—clients may become emotionally numb. This numbing blocks access to the emotional signals that inform us about our needs and goals.
Conversely, under-regulation, where emotion becomes overwhelming, can lead clients to feel unsafe or out of control. If not addressed, this can harm the therapeutic relationship and lead to disengagement or premature termination of therapy. Therapy cannot progress when emotional overwhelm dominates the space.
Supporting Clients in Emotion Regulation
Therapists can support clients by engaging in tasks that either help access or regulate emotion, depending on the client’s needs at the time (Elliott & Greenberg, 2021):
Accessing Emotion:
Creating safety – Establishing a safe space encourages clients to approach difficult emotions.
Bodily awareness – Practices like focusing (Gendlin, 1981) help clients attend to inner bodily sensations tied to emotion.
Emotion recall – Revisiting past emotional experiences can unlock insight.
Evocative triggers – Using carefully chosen words, images, or interactions to bring emotion into awareness.
Expression and action – Through role play or chair work, clients can embody their feelings.
Regulating Emotion:
Exploring client strategies – Ask how clients currently cope with emotional intensity.
Empathic presence – Offering unconditional positive regard and deep understanding.
Safe expression – Creating opportunities for supported emotional expression.
Symbolising emotion – Using words, images, or creative methods to externalise feelings.
Containing language – Reflecting emotions in a gentle, non-evocative manner.
Brief regulatory tasks – Grounding exercises, imagining a safe space, or mindful breathing.
Larger regulatory tasks – Working with inner compassion, meaning-making, or “Clearing a Space”.
Psychological contact – When clients are overwhelmed, grounding in the here and now—“take a breath”, “look at me”, “feel your feet on the floor”.
Final Reflections
Working with emotion in therapy is a nuanced and deeply relational process. Therapists must navigate their own responses while supporting clients to safely explore and manage their emotional world. It requires both courage and care—from therapist and client alike.
When we honour emotion—not as a problem to be solved, but as a source of wisdom to be understood—we open the door to authentic healing and meaningful change.
References
· Elliott, R., & Greenberg, L. (2021). Emotion-Focused Counselling in Action. Sage Publications Ltd.
· Gendlin, E. T. (1981). Focusing (Rev. ed.). Bantam Books.