Working With Self-Doubt: By Enduring Uncertainty We Can Deepen Self-Awareness and Growth
© This article was first published in Therapy Today, the journal of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP)
Exploring how individuals experience their relationship with themselves is fundamental to therapeutic work. While research has often focused on specific concepts such as self-criticism, perfectionism or self-efficacy, much less attention has been given to the wider picture of the self-relationship – especially when it comes to negative treatment of self and how this shows up in the flow of conversation during therapy (1).
When I first began exploring how clients express their relationship with themselves I assumed – optimistically – that this could be neatly captured, described and measured. It soon became apparent, however, that the inner life in psychotherapy resists such tidy definitions. The work of exploring the self is layered and intricate, shaped not only by the abstract and subjective nature of the concept but also by the profound challenge of truly knowing your own inner reality (2).
Understanding the self as a multifaceted network of psychological processes that enable conscious reflection highlights the degree to which the self-relationship shapes how individuals perceive, interpret and respond to themselves (2). What stands out across different presenting difficulties is not simply the centrality of this relationship but its complexity and persistence. One striking and somewhat unexpected feature is the prevalence of self-doubt, which can remain even at the conclusion of otherwise successful therapy (3).
Perception
Self-doubt is often regarded as a barrier to growth. Yet emerging research offers a more nuanced perspective. It is a familiar part of the human experience, frequently expressed through hesitation in decision making, questioning of abilities, or uncertainty about feelings and perceptions. While psychotherapy is often assumed to reduce such doubts by fostering confidence and clarity, evidence suggests that self-doubt is a complex phenomenon that continues to shape the self even after therapy with positive outcomes (3).
In my research on the quality of the self-relationship at the conclusion of therapy, I found that self-doubt frequently persists – and in some cases even intensifies. Participants described ongoing struggles to make sense of their experiences, understand their emotions and trust their own judgments. These findings challenge the common assumption that effective therapy automatically eliminates indecision and uncertainty. Instead, self-doubt can remain a lasting feature of self-experience, subtly influencing how we relate to ourselves.
Yet self-doubt is not simply an obstacle. When approached mindfully it can promote deeper reflection and enhance self-awareness. Participants who engaged with their doubts often gained clearer insight into their values, motivations and emotional patterns. In this light, self-doubt is less a problem to be fixed than a meaningful part of the journey towards self-knowledge and ongoing personal growth.
Theoretical perspectives
Rogers’ humanistic psychology provides a helpful starting point for understanding persistent self-doubt. He argued that psychological distress arises from incongruence – the mismatch between lived experience and our conceptualised idea of self. Such contradictions can create confusion, fragmentation or anxiety, whether or not we are consciously aware of them (4). From this perspective self-doubt is not necessarily a sign of failure but a natural response to recognising and integrating conflicting aspects of the self. Acknowledging uncertainty can itself be an authentic process, reflecting awareness of these contradictions in the moment.
Other theories, such as the concept of the ‘multiple self’, suggest that we carry a variety of self-representations that shift across contexts and relationships (5-7). Self-doubt may arise when these different selves conflict – for example, when the confident performer who excels on stage clashes with the anxious, introverted self that surfaces in social situations, leaving us unsure which identity feels most authentic. Self-doubt often occurs when aspects of the self struggle to harmonise, or when certain parts are difficult to acknowledge or accept, highlighting areas that may benefit from greater integration. From this perspective self-doubt is not merely a sign of pathology or fragility but an inevitable by-product of the multifaceted, relational nature of selfhood, reflecting the depth and interconnectedness of human experience.
The concept of the inner critic illustrates a similar paradox. While its disparaging tone can be discouraging and undermine confidence it also serves a protective function, helping to maintain coherence in the self (8, 9). In much the same way self-doubt exhibits both hindering and adaptive qualities – supporting growth while simultaneously highlighting areas that may need attention – encapsulating much of the struggle inherent in how we relate to ourselves.
Authenticity
Traditionally self-doubt has been viewed as incompatible with authenticity. Authenticity is generally understood as the quality of being true to yourself, expressed through the alignment of your actions, values and emotions in a genuine and consistent manner – or, more broadly, as the congruence between internal experience and outward expression. It is often associated with clarity, confidence and psychological wellbeing (10). From this perspective indecisiveness and uncertainty are typically interpreted as signs of inauthentic functioning.
However, several scholars have challenged this assumption. Shahar argued that authenticity can coexist with vulnerability and self-criticism, reframing self-doubt as a potential component of authentic functioning (11). Similarly, Stephen suggested that therapists’ own experiences of frustration and uncertainty may represent painful yet profound expressions of genuine self-awareness (12).
Viewed in this light self-doubt is not the opposite of authenticity. Rather it may represent a form of deeper reflection and honesty about your lived experience, suggesting that instead of obstructing authenticity it can act as a gateway to it.
Clinical insights
In therapeutic work self-doubt often emerges as a subtle yet significant barrier to self-understanding. Clients may find it difficult to make sense of their experiences, recognise and interpret their emotions, or trust their own decision making and abilities. The clinical vignettes below illustrate how this uncertainty can present in therapy, accompanied by interpretive commentary linking these moments to both theory and practice.
• ‘I’m unsure how to comprehend or make sense of it’
Client: I should take it as an insult.
Therapist: Hmm.
Client: But I don’t know if it is… Is it? I don’t really know if it is. Is that an insult? I think it, I would, I don’t know, maybe.
Here the client’s hesitation captures the struggle of making sense of an ambiguous interpersonal experience. Their repeated self-questioning and tentative language reveal not only a lack of clarity but also the stuckness that arises when self-doubt undermines confidence in your own perceptions. From a Rogerian perspective this illustrates incongruence: the individual’s lived experience cannot be fully integrated into a coherent sense of self (4).
Clinically such uncertainty can set in motion a recursive cycle: the more a client strives to make sense of external events, the more elusive certainty becomes. This in turn can erode self-confidence and heighten reliance on external validation. What might appear to be a simple difficulty in naming the experience is also a vivid illustration of how self-doubt can both support and undermine the very process of meaning-making (3).
• ‘I’m unsure what I’m experiencing’
Therapist: So that was an awkwardness and with the awkwardness there was this knot there… Is that right?
Client: Yeah… I guess. Yeah, probably… I’m feeling like I need to fill in the gaps now.
Therapist: So there’s pressure to fill in the gaps, and when it doesn’t come immediately then there’s something about you that’s critical of you for not knowing in those sorts of processes.
Client: Yeah.
This exchange illustrates the difficulty some clients have in recognising their emotional states. The client oscillates between tentative agreement and renewed self-questioning. Here self-doubt functions as a monitoring presence that appears disconnected from their felt sense – an internal process that searches for ‘the right answer’ while simultaneously undermining each attempt to offer one.
Such moments reveal the close connection between self-doubt and self-control. Rather than experiencing emotions directly the client becomes preoccupied with whether they are identifying them ‘correctly’, engaging in a self-interruptive process that repeatedly halts and questions their own emotional responses. This dynamic can stifle spontaneity, replacing uninhibited expression with guarded speculation (5).
For therapists, recognising this pattern opens the way for interventions that focus less on accuracy and more on creating a safe space for tentative exploration.
• ‘I’m unsure if I can do it’
Client: I would be like… I can’t do that… really, I would feel really under pressure. To get a drink and go sit over there… I would be like *exhales*. I’d feel really under pressure.
Therapist: Right.
Client: I wonder if I could do it… I don’t know… I don’t go into pubs and sit… I don’t usually go anywhere and sit by myself. I don’t even usually go to a cafe and order a coffee and sit by myself.
Here self-doubt emerges not as a rational evaluation of ability but as an anticipatory fear of failure. The client experiences even small acts of autonomy – such as sitting alone in a cafe – as overwhelming, which inhibits them before any attempt is made.
The self-process here is not simply undermining but regulatory, exerting control by discouraging engagement with situations perceived as threatening. This internalised uncertainty functions as a self-interruptive process, halting action and reinforcing avoidance. In this sense self-doubt operates both protectively and restrictively: it shields the client from potential social discomfort or disappointment yet simultaneously limits opportunities for growth and autonomy.
From a therapeutic perspective, however, the client’s tentative remark – ‘I wonder if I could do it’ – signals a subtle openness. Despite the dominance of self-doubt there exists a potential for curiosity and exploration. Therapy can build on this fragile opening by supporting the client to test small, low-risk situations where uncertainty is present but manageable. In this way, doubt need not function solely as a barrier; it can also mark the starting point for experimentation, learning and self-discovery.
Indecision
Building on the earlier examples of self-doubt as a regulatory and self-interruptive process, hostile self-control arises when monitoring and self-regulation shift from being supportive to rigid and pressurising. Rather than guiding choices constructively it generates tension by anticipating negative outcomes or enforcing strict compliance. The inner dialogue adopts a tone of pressure and stress, urging the self to avoid risk or conform to inflexible standards rather than fostering confident action (1).
In this state self-doubt functions as a mechanism of self-control. By questioning every decision the individual feels constrained in their ability to act freely. Each choice seems fraught with risk, and this relentless scrutiny erodes trust in your own feelings, instincts and values, fostering reliance on avoidance strategies or rigid rules.
As doubt and uncertainty deepen, the controlling inner voice can grow stronger, appearing to insist that only vigilance, compliance or avoidance will prevent mistakes. Yet this hypervigilance often reinforces hesitation and stress. What may begin as an attempt to remain safe can, over time, come at the expense of self-trust, autonomy and inner balance.
Research insights
Exploring the self-relationship in research is rarely straightforward. Clients’ perceptions of therapeutic success often differ from standard outcome measures (13). Discrepancies are commonly observed between self-reports and qualitative interviews as well as between therapists’ observations and clients’ own accounts (14, 15).
These contrasts highlight the layered nature of self-experience, reminding us that the inner relationship cannot be neatly captured or reduced to a single dimension. This complexity reflects the concept of ‘paradoxical outcomes’ in psychotherapy, where apparently positive self-reports may conceal deeper psychological struggles (16). Persistent self-doubt exemplifies this paradox: even when clients describe therapy as successful, doubt often lingers about the reality or durability of their progress. This is not evidence of failure but an expression of the fragile, dynamic balance within the self-relationship.
Effective therapy supports integration, helping different aspects of the self engage more constructively rather than defensively. Integration, however, does not erase doubt. Self-doubt continues to surface in shifting forms – sometimes hindering, sometimes reflective – illustrating why client self-reports can fluctuate between contradiction and consistency. In this sense doubt is part of the ongoing dialogue of self-experience and meaning-making rather than a residue of unresolved pathology.
Client narratives also reflect the diverse ways of experiencing a ‘positive’ self-relationship (17). For some it involves greater acceptance and compassion; for others it remains bound up with uncertainty or ambivalence. This variability makes it challenging to devise a standardised measure capable of capturing the subtleties of each individual’s experience (18). As Baumeister notes, the self is not a single, unified concept but a collection of loosely related aspects (19). From this perspective persistent self-doubt is not an anomaly to be eliminated but an expected outcome of engaging with a self that is multifaceted, relational and never fully settled.
Reframing
While self-doubt is often linked with low self-esteem and avoidance it is not necessarily detrimental (20). It can feel incapacitating at times, but doubt can also encourage contemplation, curiosity and deeper integration of the self. This suggests that doubt is not a sign of stalled progress but a natural process of psychological development to be engaged with. It exists on a continuum, ranging from counterproductive to adaptive. At its most constructive it offers opportunities for reflection, adaptability and the integration of conflicting aspects of experience. This reframing allows self-doubt to be explored as a meaningful part of the client’s inner world. Developing self-awareness involves learning to hold space for uncertainty and, in doing so, individuals can gradually move towards greater congruence.
Future research will continue to explore the nuanced interplay between self-doubt, authenticity and psychological development. For now one insight is clear: when reframed not as a flaw but as a potential pathway to awareness, self-doubt can transform from a source of limitation into a catalyst for deeper self-understanding.
References
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr Kay Capaldi is an integrative psychotherapist, researcher and university lecturer focusing on the self-relationship, negative self-treatment and social anxiety. Her Self-Relationship Training® programme aims to help people cultivate self-compassion and build a more nurturing relationship with themselves.